R.I.P. Cory Monteith (and how this impact me)

To start it, I want to say may Cory Monteith's soul is in peace now. Please give strength to those whom he left behind such as his family and his girlfriend Lea Michelle, because I'm sure they are devastated by his loss. It took me so long to write this post, because just like other gleeks, Glee and Cory Monteith mean so much to me (a fact that I realize only when Cory had passed away). I want to manage my words so it looks tidy and readable hahaha.

I still remember it was noon in my country, my parents and me had a mini fight, and the desire to commit suicide was never bigger. Of course, that kind of desire had occured in a very long time, but i have this wish that 'If I should commit suicide, it should be beautiful, look peaceful, with so little agony. Because I (think I) have suffer enough, I don't need more suffering'. I decided that I would commit suicide using Carbon Monoxide, but sadly comitting suicide is not an easy things to do (yes, things, with an 's', it's not a typo). It needs a lot of research, research, and research so you will die perfectly instead of do it recklessly, and keep on living, be disabled, and become a trouble for those people around you.

The more research I have done, the more educated I am, and the closer I am to this 'Perfect suicide' philosophy. In fact, that noon I was closer than I ever was. I know what must be done, where to buy the 'equipment', how to perfectly die. And all I need is a little practice, brace myself, and BAM I'll be gone and bye bye to the cruel, rude, suffering world.

And this brings us back to the Cory Monteith news. I'm sorry for the long intro, but I think it was necessary hahaha. I was taking a little rest from all the Carbon Monoxide information grasping, and I went to read news in the gaming website (specifically IGN). I saw the news of Cory Monteith has passed away and I was like 'not funny IGN, this must be a hoax'. I immediately went to google news and I felt like Adele's song Skyfall played as background music when I knew that it was true. The Canadian PD had confirmed it and..... There were no words. It took me a few seconds to fully understand that Cory Monteith had passed away. I know, I know lots of people die and that including Hollywood stars. James Gandolfini also had passed away a couple of weeks ago, BUT I honestly never watch The Sopranos. With all due respect to James Gandolfini (may his soul rest in peace too), but Glee is a show I watch, I criticize, and I hold close to me, that's why Cory Monteith's dead impact so much.

I went to twitter, of course. And RipCoryMonteith was trending worldwide, but only a few of my friends tweet mourning words. And I realized that this news is fresh, Cory Monteith has just passed away, not had passed away and suddenly my mind did a flashback of Glee (fastly), and once again I feel devastated. That's not the end fyi, suddenly the internet filled with Cory Monteith's quote such as this one

And should I say that once again (for many times that day) I was devastated.

Which brings us to how Cory Monteith's death impact me directly. Funny right? I was researching to commit suicide, to throw away my life through the window of living world. I still honestly think that I am suffering enough and I still want to commit suicide. But someone just died, so young at 31, at the peak of his carreer, and so aware of his trouble and mistakes that he checked into rehab a few months ago. That's the attitude of someone who cherish their lives. And now he's gone (lots of 'dead' repetition I know), I mean someone who wants to live just died, and I someone who live want to die. Someone who mean so much to his fans, family, and girlfriend just died, and I someone who is worthless even to myself keep on living. What kind of world is this?????

There are so many of Cory Monteith's quote, and most of all is about reaching for your dreams, and atone for your mistakes. It makes me think, maybe I should grab my dreams, reach for the stars. Maybe I should continue making my novel, try to make short movie. I have to give worth in my life at least for me. If I still want to die, then let it be, but if in the process of reaching my dreams I found happiness, well that's another story. It brings me to this conclusion, I will bear all the suffering, atleast for now and continue to make my dreams come true.

Thank you so much Cory Monteith. I don't care what people say about life after death, all I believe is, if the person is nice, he deserves to be in peace. Of course I don't know if Cory is a kind person in real life, but I think he is kind and let his soul rest for now. You are an inspiration while you were waking up, and now you are sleeping and still an inspiration. We will and especially I will always remember you Cory Monteith.