Hi guys, it's 4.12 in the morning I'm sleepy, but somehow I'm still awake. I think i was restraint myself too much in so many aspect. There are a lot of things I want to do, but somehow I always find an excuse to not to do it. Like blogging, I love to write, but it takes me a really long time to start blogging, and even when I already start, I'm still trying to find an excuse to stop it. Like there are nobody who reads it, I mean who cares. I start this for self improvement, and to keep my sanity in check so I don't have to waste my money for some therapist.
It's not just blogging, gaming, I know I made the right choice not to buy Playstation Vita until it's price drop, I'm not buying the true blue jailbreak dongle. It's good restraint exercise because the excuse is logical, smart. But something like dancing, I almost drop myself out from the campus competition which I talk about from earlier post. Maybe I'm not pro, but I'm not bad either, I have to have self confidence (oh my, confidence, my weakness). Music, I want to play piano so bad, I know it's complicated because my boarding is not that fancy. I can ask my parents to send the keyboard, but hey we're talking about my parents now hahaha, it'll be hard. I really want to play violin. It's not so expensive, why can't I buy it myself? Then do some self learning? Too many doubt in my heart I hate it.
Gadget too. I'm a tech freak, I'm not that good at it, but I'm sure my knowledge is beyond standard. I want to buy an iPad 2 (because I think iPad 3 or 4 is too exquisite), again the excuse is lame, like I have to save money. For what actually I save my money if not for what I love to do.
The point is I have so many doubt, negative feelings, shyness, sometimes it's good, but the negative side dominates the pie chart. That's why I always get ignored, I communicate what I want, but I don't try enough to get what I want. I said I want to watch a movie with them, but that's it, I'm hoping they have enough sympathy they'll offer it. Truth was, my image is not that sympathetic. I have quite strong image in fact, that's why maybe if I not utter my feelings loud, they will think I'm not serious, and the fact that I'm don't have popularity enough to gain some charisma, or that obeyme effect, or impact, or whatever will not help me to achieve what I want. The problem is... I have to train myself so I have that confidence and attitude. O God please help me so I can have those charisma or aura or whatever. I'll try, at least I realize it, it's a good one step.
For the closing, I want to say I'm quite surprised that 3 people visit my blog not for GaIn, but for a post about my life? That's very flattering indeed, this is like building a bit of my self esteem (or maybe it's just luck hahaha). I won't restraint myself, I maybe post 3 topic in a day and I don't care (I want to do another review btw). I also change the blog a little and I'm happy about it and nobody would make me doubt my choice hahaha. (one step at a time ^^)
Today quote is my selfmake
"Don't think too much. Sometimes logic will crush you, you won't achieve anything in life."
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